3rd weed at Ihop update

Hi all! I appreciate all your prayers as I traveled home for my grandfather's funeral. I was able to get through it physically though taxing. Please continue to remember my family in prayer for peace and comfort. One night in the prayer room during an intercession set the chorus of "Who is ready, He is coming" was sung prophetically. The reality of this really struck my heart and how my focus really needs to be on getting myself ready for His return. I know one major way of doing this that is talked about here is the principle of "Beholding to Become". Basically, whatever we look at and behold is what we become. So I need to be so fascinated with Jesus to behold Him all the time in order to bring this transformation to be like Him--therefore making myself ready. Understanding this is producing a much greater desire to lay down everything for the sake of worshipping Him and Him alone. More love inside of me cries out to give my time, gifts, prayer, and life to this call to worship Him and Behold Him. At church this week, during worship I asked the Holy Spirit what He thought about me. I clearly heard Him say that He likes being around me! That's one of the reasons why His Spirit was sent to dwell inside of me because He loves and delights in me. He wanted to be that much closer to me. Wow! Daddy loves me and you so much! This week we had a new teacher for our Song of Songs class. Through his teaching, the Spirit revealed to me that growing up I isolated myself from my family and friends as far as sharing inner turmoil and deep things in my heart. And because I got so used to do this in the natural, it carried over into relating to Jesus. This opened the door for shame and rejection to take root in my heart connection with Jesus. And as scripture shows, this explains why its so easy for me to "tend others gardens" instead of my own. Basically, getting the focus off of my own heart and what's going on by caring for others and helping them with their hearts. This explains why its easy for me to give than receive when it comes to the matters of the heart and friends. I see through this teaching that I must tend my own heart with Jesus' help. Jesus even spent the majority of his life (30 years) tending his own heart before stepping into a few years of public ministry. Jesus isn't the means to an end of finally reaching a calling or ministry status. Rather, my sole purpose really is bringing God pleasure because HE is the end all. Finally, today is our day off and I was planning on going to the Awakening service tonight but by the time I got there worship was over. I could feel the Spirit calling me alone so I went back to the apartment to be alone with Jesus. I ended up praying, soaking, receiving for other 2 and half hours! I got totally rocked with revelation concerning the New Jerusalem and living for higher/heavenly things. I know I don't fully understand all of this yet so bear with me. In Colossians 3 Paul writes that we need to set our eyes and hearts on things above rather than earthly things. Looking up the original language of this, it is in reference to Christ's second coming. This same "above" word is used in other passages that mention the New Jerusalem (Revelation 3 and 21). Reading this about the Bride being adorned with beauty and the new name really stirred me because I so want to live my life here on earth to make myself ready for this! Hebrews 12:14-29 also talks about the seriousness of this for Christians. I don't want to miss this inheritance offered to get the reward after Jesus returns. It says here that everything created will be shaken so that all that is left is that of the Kingdom and eternal. So I see this as a need in my heart and mind. So I ask that God would come and shake from me mindsets, heart beliefs, and the outward way I live that is still of the world (that which was created)so the eternal perspective can take root and grow. Philippians 3:12-21 also demonstrates this concept to Christians who want to live in maturity. But as Paul says, many christians live as enemies of the cross instead by living in such a way that their "god is their stomach". This really hit me because we live of the world so much, looking to the things of the world to satisfy our desires which God created for HIMSELF only to fulfill. I definitely don't have this all figured out or know what this practically looks like but what I do know is that I want to turn to God for my entertainment, joy, fulfillment foremost. I think as a whole, we have allowed ourselves to become dull and insensitive by this over stimulated culture and world. In doing so, the raw and realness of God has become boring instead of fascinating, awing, and gripping our hearts. Just as an example...just the other day some interns went to go see a movie that had just come out. Originally before coming here, this movie was one that I was really looking forward to seeing. But I know change has begun in my heart because when I heard they were going, there was absolutely no pull in my heart to want to go and see it. Now please hear my heart because I'm not saying that all movies are good or bad to enjoy. But I am saying that living on this earth, we have allowed our senses to be dulled by earthly means instead of being filled, enjoyed, and satisfied by the Holy One. We really have no excuse to ever say we are bored (I am talking to myself too!) or have nothing to do. Because one truth and thought of who God is should keep us thinking and meditating and enjoying for hours! I have begun to experience this in my heart while here as I take time to behold who God is and it is awakening my heart in new exciting ways...I want to live this way, fully alive. Selah Kyle